I Could Be Wrong, But...
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Meditation
©2009 David Boyne
“If you want to find God, hang out in the space between your thoughts.”
—Alan Cohen
Follow the breath
In
Out
Follow the breath
In
Is my posture right spine straight arms and shoulders relaxed hands resting on thighs should I have my palms down or up do my hands have to be open closed hands seems at odds with the whole idea of relaxed and open and
Follow the breath putting my mind on my breath
Breathing
In
Out
In
Out
I need to try different words “in” and “out” makes me think of sex and
Follow the breath stop thinking
Breathing in
Remember was it New Years Eve yeah and we had broken up in May and she invited me over and one thing lead to another and we made love all night and then in the morning how she said it just seems so natural with you like breathing man I’m glad I didn’t get sucked back into
Breathe follow the breath in hold it let it go
Empty
Yeah see if empty is better than out but what goes with empty what’s it’s opposite um antonym right empty full empty full of shit empty full of piss ‘n vinegar running on empty fill ‘er up cut it out cut it out
In
Empty
In
Empty
Full
Empty
That album was it Stevie Wonder oh yeah Fullfillingness’s First Finale or something like that how awkward whatever happened to Stevie Wonder probably dead by now guess I missed that obituary so many people who were grownups when I was a kid are dying off now jesus almost every day I hear about some person I haven’t thought of for decades but then you hear or read some name like I don’t know yeah like Soupy Sales Is Dead and all these vivid memories go off like flash bulbs and you’re a kid again sitting on the living room carpet in front of a black and white TV—
For chrissakes follow the fucking breath
In
In in in in
Out empty out empty
In
Empty
Breathing in
Empty breath
Empty life more like it when I was a kid every adult kept asking me what do you want to be when you grow up and I hadn’t a damn clue but every other kid knew cop teacher astronaut baseball player nobody of course ever said I want to grow up an be fat and boring and spend all my time in an office doing mindless sedentary stuff and hating my boss jesus if that kid I once upon a time was could be me for one hour like when I'm driving to work and stop at a light and look in the rear view mirror I see the person in the car behind me and every single time without exception they look so fucking unhappy no more than unhappy angry no not just angry they look like they're in pain that's it they look like they're in pain like that indian said how weird it was that all the faces of the white men are always so fucking tense if the kid I was spent one hour no just one commute to the office with me as me I can just see him jumping on that banana seat spider bike and racing it right over the highest cliff he could find how weird that no kid ever thinks he’ll grow up to be boring and have all this emptiness
All right all right empty the breath
Following the breath
In slow down in
Back straight hands on thighs palms down doesn’t matter legs crossed all you got to do is think about the breath they know we need something to think about cannot possibly think absofuckinglutely nothing so they say think of the breath put your mind on the breath mind on the breath
Breathing in
Breathing out
I swear I’m more restless than I was before I started meditating they say you have to do it for a long time before you feel the benefits and funny how that’s just like every fly-by-late-night television infomercial huckster always saying you have to do it for X time before it works folks and funny how X time is just long enough for them to take your money and get out of town what was that play yeah 76 Trombones no The Music Man The Music Man
Breathe in
Empty it out
Breath in
Nose never itches unless I’m meditating like it’s like the only benefit of meditating is that you quiet down enough to notice every twitch and tic and jitter till it drives you
In breathing in breathing in
Out breath out
Out damn spot out
In
Out
Shit was that a coyote I heard yeah it was a bunch of them here I am sitting in a dark room at sunrise and there are coyotes ripping through some neighbors cat or chihuahua god who designed this world where we have to eat each other to survive why the fuck didn’t god just make everything solar powered what’s the point of the sun if it’s only to give us melanoma imagine what it’s like to be eaten alive like that book I read last week how the wolves take down the caribou and they’re ripping its guts out eating its liver while the animal is still alive I just don’t
Don’t think don’t think empty thoughts empty breath out
In
Out
In
OH this is such bullshit how can anyone really stop thinking no one stops thinking they’re lying if they say they do only dead people don’t think and that’s only natural right I think therefore I am and when I don’t think I’m a corpse and the gurus tell people to meditate on death imagine being dead and their body rotting and decaying and get comfortable with death who wants to be comfortable with death I’m scared to death of death and I’ve still wasted half my life so imagine if I was at peace with death what then would I just sit around fucking meditating all day and doing nothing
In
Out
In
The breath
Out
In
Is that bloody alarm ever going to ring wait did I set it did I forget to set the alarm it feels like I've been here nine years but maybe it's only been a couple minutes I should go check and see I bet I forgot to set the alarm wouldn't that be a joke if I'm late for work
Breathe you set the friggin' alarm that's just an excuse breather
In
But what if I think I set the alarm but I really didn't
Out
In